The Lord is such a "mystery," to use Zach Tinkle's word from last night. There are 3 teams of people leaving for Cambodia today, I'm lucky enough to know several of them personally, one who will be STAYING there for a couple years at the close of the trip. (I'm so incredibly proud of her). 

God knows that every cell within me wants so badly to be on that plane today with them. I miss my kids and somehow, though I've never understood this either, I miss the kids I haven't met. 

God has this incredible, yet not thoroughly understood, way of creating a void, a vacuum, in our spirits that aches for souls that we don't know. 

God knew today would be on my heart the moment I woke up and apparently He wanted to make sure I knew that He knew that. Jon has a habit of leaving the tv on overnight and when I got out of bed this morning and walked past it... take a wild guess what happened to be on? A special segment on the History channel about Cambodia. There's a song I love with these lyrics, "He knows my name, He knows my every thought, He sees each tear that falls and He hears me when I call." This is the way God knows me, somehow, someway, this great Mystery has planted Himself in my heart and it overwhelms me on days like this. I guess I just wanted to say, if you don't know Him, if you haven't figured Him out yet, well I haven't either... but I'm sure grateful He's figured me out.

Open your heart to the "mystery" which is Jesus Christ. Accepting doesn't mean completely understanding or even thoroughly explaining Him. Accepting Him is more like surrendering to the belief that "He is." Faith is part of the Christian walk, the journey to more understanding of Him and knowing Him more daily. We must have hearts ready to be taught and open to Him. Then, He will equip us with the wisdom and knowledge we need to lead those around us, the ones He brings into our path.

Proclaiming Him to the Fatherless in hopes of creating EX ORPHANS!

www.EXORPHAN.org

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Hearts Formed in Perfect Timing

I have moments when I think about any one of my adopted sons and all the breath in my lungs literally leaves my body. Tonight, driving past a graduation, it happened again. Next year I'll be sitting in that audience, but didn't Ryan just get here? Some days I do envy moms with babies and toddlers, not because I "want one", but because I imagine my son at that age and my heart aches that I couldn't be his mom through all the stages of childhood. I imagine he would have fewer giants to slay and fewer fears to face. I guess that means I officially have the "mom heart," the mostly universal desire to protect a child from hardship, heartache and heavy burdens. When I realize I'm holding my breath, as though I have any ability to stop time, I inhale the reassurance of the creator of us both. His ability to redeem, restore and rebuild are exceedingly far beyond my comprehension. I still feel as though I can barely grasp it. He reminds me that much growth, leading to deeper relationship with Him, follows periods of blindness, isolation and fear. A heart broken and rebuilt 100 times is 100 times more likely to trust Him. We've both learned more about God and leaned more on God these last 4 years together (by adoption) than all the previous ones we lived apart. 

Prayerful this upcoming year will drive each of us deeper into relationship with the one who knit us both, in His perfect timing, for one another. As a mom, I'm reminded that I personally was created and formed in His perfect timing. One of the roles He knew I would have would be adoptive mom. When he was forming my heart ahead of my birth, my children were already on His mind. When he was forming the heart of my son, he already knew I would be loaned a piece of his heart as well. This was evidenced in our relationship from the beginning. To adopt a child from Ryan's country, both parents must be a full 18 years older than the child. There are no exceptions to this rule, not even one day will be pardoned. Therefore, Ryan had to be born after my 18th birthday. As I looked down on a piece of paper and read Ryan's birth date, I knew that God had ordained and affirmed our meeting one another. Ryan was born one day after my 18th birthday. Literally, the day of my birth and the day of his birth were in God's perfect timing to become mother and son. 

For it was You who created my inward parts; You knit me together in my mother’s womb. I will praise You because I have been remarkably and wonderfully made. Your works are wonderful, and I know this very well. Psalm 139:13-14(HCSB)

My sons are ex orphans in every sense of the word. They were literally orphaned for a period of time lacking the relationship with birth mother and birth father. They were spiritual orphans prior to accepting Christ into their hearts, which is a decision they have all personally made. When I think of ex orphans, both literally and spiritually, my sons are the first people to cross my mind. They are my daily example and reminder of God's far reaching hand, one bent on redemption.

Proclaiming Him to the Fatherless in hopes of creating EX ORPHANS!

www.EXORPHAN.org

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Watching the Tide for Clues

The tide is the rise and fall of sea levels. Stick around the beach long enough and you will see that the tide comes in at one point in the day and goes out during another. Ocean waters faithfully repeat this display on a daily basis. Recently, God used the motion of the tide to give me a visual lesson.

"Vision" is defined as the manner in which one sees or conceives of something. Practically though, it's about dreams, goals and ideas. There are times when we begin to realize that God is placing a new vision inside of us, complete with new burdens, fresh insight and additional understanding. As with everything, the Lord's will in heaven becoming reality on earth is a process. That process will purify and refine the vision in accordance with the Lord's will. Of course, this doesn't have nearly as much to do with the vision itself as it has to do with the vision seer.

The vision had already been cast. I accepted my assignment and I recognized God's direction. My heart was ready, my mind was alert, the vision had been poured out and it was already taking shape. I found myself puzzled with some details and nuances, but the vision was right in front of me, perfectly positioned to burst with His energy and timing. Wait. What's happening? Are You seeing this? Where is it going? Are you allowing this? Why now? What if? When? Where are you? How does this glorify you? That hurt. Help me.

Like the outbound tide, the water isn't receding backwards forever. Like the outbound tide, neither is the vision. He will allow separation between us and the vision. He will allow it to become faint and feel distant. For a moment, it can even feel like it is completely gone, as though someone, something or some force of nature has stolen it away from us. I'm not sure there is much that hurts worse than releasing our grip from a tightly held, much beloved dream; especially if we never thought we would have too. God allowed me to feel distant from the dream. I saw and felt and watched it leaving my hands. It was literally leaving me, like the outbound tide and I was powerless to stop it. There's a reason why "help me" was the final statement in the series of questions above. When you find yourself powerless, hurting and wounded, there is only one thing left to say, "Lord, help me."

Then you shall see and be radiant, and your heart shall thrill and tremble with joy [at the glorious deliverance] and be enlarged; because the abundant wealth of the sea shall be turned to you, unto you shall the nations come with their treasures. (Isaiah 60:5)

"Because the abundance of the sea will be TURNED to you." This was the day when I realized the vision hadn't left, neither had the vision giver. Just like the tide, God would allow the distance and, in the waiting for it's return, He went about refining and purifying. His promise was that the vision was returning, but it wouldn't be the exact same when it rolled onto the shore this time. There would be some things that would be deliberately different. 

This tide analogy also mirrors our separation from God. You know you are missing something but are powerless to understand what it is or how to get it. He knows what's missing and He TURNS to you. If you are an Ex Orphan, then you KNOW and need to TURN to them. After all, it really is all about creating Ex Orphans.

As for Me, this is My covenant with them, says the LORD: “My Spirit who is on you, and My words that I have put in your mouth, will not depart from your mouth, or from the mouth of your children, or from the mouth of your children’s children, from now on and forever,” says the LORD. (Isaiah 59:21)

His promise is that He will NOT depart from us, that His spirit will always be at work within us. No one can take that away. No outbound tide affects this promise. Whether you are sitting on the beach with miles of barren shore or looking down to see the water covering your feet again, you can have confidence in His promise, His love and His assurance to always TURN to you.

Proclaiming Him to the Fatherless in hopes of creating EX Orphans!

www.EXORPHAN.org

Riding the Spiritual Roller Coaster

I'm not much of a "thrill" seeker. Whatever existing cell structure or chromosome can be attributed with the tendency for spontaneity and a willingness to place oneself in harm's way in order to experience a state of euphoria... well, I didn't get it. By the way, euphoria is defined as, "a feeling of happiness, confidence, or well-being sometimes exaggerated in pathological states as mania." There you have it. Those of you who relate to this exaggerated state are, in fact, maniacs. And, by definition, I am exonerated.

I live with many males. As if I didn't know before, males and females are quite different. Most of the males in my home are thrill seekers, they throw caution into the wind when faced with the "thrill" of a new experience. On the other hand, I stare new experiences in the face and ponder, a word that is almost exclusively reserved for females. I'm quite analytical, which explains why I have a science degree and in a former life performed calculations and wrote uninteresting, technical reports on a daily basis. I have a tendency to look at the life cycle of a decision ahead of making one. In theory, this practical formula for living should keep me from harm, danger, injury, risk, mishap and controversy. Now, if only God regarded my natural tendencies.

"Our natural strengths will always fight against our dependence on God." -The Search for Significance

Think of a roller coaster. As I stand in front of the thing, I am glancing at the design and the architecture. I am calculating, trying to determine the overall height, the depth of the drop sequences, the existence of black holes of darkness, instances of repetitive circling. It's possible, if my brain could be heard out loud, it would sound something like this, "a closed plane curve consisting of all points at a given distance from a point within it called the center, equation: x ²  + y ²  = r ²). Frightening, I know. Again, if only God regarded my natural tendencies, my natural desire to predict. 

Now, think of a spiritual roller coaster. Spiritual roller coasters are those things that God presents, things that go against all our natural tendencies. Sure, they might appear thrilling, exciting, maybe even "bucket list" worthy on the surface. But, as in mathematics and science, there is always an equal and opposite reaction. When God asks us to do something new, He isn't asking us to take a chance. The fact that He is the requester, should  be evidence of His permission and approval. In this case, God has already performed the risk analysis. He has already examined the situation, I need not investigate further, but trust and step forward. But, how about that equal and opposite reaction? The condition of being afraid, whether a threat is real or imagined, can be paralyzing and limiting. Every person on the planet can relate to moments of apprehension.

If God has presented you with something outside your comfort zone, something that challenges every natural tendency that exists within you and sounds an internal alarm indicating the presence of fear, just do it scared. I feel like I've heard that quote before, "just do it scared." I couldn't find that quote exactly, though it would seem like some sort of weird marketing alliance between Nike's, "just do it," and Eleanor Roosevelt's saying, "Do one thing everyday that scares you." 

It's possible, that's the good news. "I will not fear though tens of thousands assail me on every side." (Psalm 3:6) Imagine that within every believer is the strength of the spirit to empower us to look tens of thousands in the face and feel confident. All the other Israelite men retreated in terror upon seeing Goliath, but David approached the giant with only his shepherd's staff, a few stones and a sling. When God asks us to do something new, His grace and favor surround that experience in abundance. Those experiences are gifts that will grow us in our dependency on the Lord, in the discipline of obedience, in submitting our natural tendencies to His examination. 

We simply can't always predict what will happen and we shouldn't want to. To be able to predict implies I have an underlying expertise. The older I get, the more I realize what I don't know. Fact is, I am dependent on Christ. I rely on Him. My plans are contingent upon Him. I am subject to Him. He influences me. I require His direction for my spiritual health. His existence gives value to my existence.

I can't predict what the Lord will ask you to do, that task that will challenge you to your core. However, I can encourage you to take that step forward with Him. Just like a literal roller coaster, there will be twists and turns on the journey, moments of darkness followed by glorious light. We can't predict the depths of the valley's we will walk any more than the heights of the mountaintops we will visit. Confidence, in the Lord, comes after seeing He was faithful to complete the task in you despite the anxiety and in light of your trust. So, you are just going to have to, "do it scared."

Proclaiming Him to the Fatherless in hopes of creating EX Orphans!

www.EXORPHAN.org

Ex Orphan Launch

Channel WATC-57 in Atlanta, Tuesday April 24, 2012. Enjoy the show, EX ORPHAN will be the musical guest for a 5-song set plus an interview with the show host. 7-9pm with a re-air the following morning from 7-9am, April 25, 2012.