Hearts Formed in Perfect Timing

I have moments when I think about any one of my adopted sons and all the breath in my lungs literally leaves my body. Tonight, driving past a graduation, it happened again. Next year I'll be sitting in that audience, but didn't Ryan just get here? Some days I do envy moms with babies and toddlers, not because I "want one", but because I imagine my son at that age and my heart aches that I couldn't be his mom through all the stages of childhood. I imagine he would have fewer giants to slay and fewer fears to face. I guess that means I officially have the "mom heart," the mostly universal desire to protect a child from hardship, heartache and heavy burdens. When I realize I'm holding my breath, as though I have any ability to stop time, I inhale the reassurance of the creator of us both. His ability to redeem, restore and rebuild are exceedingly far beyond my comprehension. I still feel as though I can barely grasp it. He reminds me that much growth, leading to deeper relationship with Him, follows periods of blindness, isolation and fear. A heart broken and rebuilt 100 times is 100 times more likely to trust Him. We've both learned more about God and leaned more on God these last 4 years together (by adoption) than all the previous ones we lived apart. 

Prayerful this upcoming year will drive each of us deeper into relationship with the one who knit us both, in His perfect timing, for one another. As a mom, I'm reminded that I personally was created and formed in His perfect timing. One of the roles He knew I would have would be adoptive mom. When he was forming my heart ahead of my birth, my children were already on His mind. When he was forming the heart of my son, he already knew I would be loaned a piece of his heart as well. This was evidenced in our relationship from the beginning. To adopt a child from Ryan's country, both parents must be a full 18 years older than the child. There are no exceptions to this rule, not even one day will be pardoned. Therefore, Ryan had to be born after my 18th birthday. As I looked down on a piece of paper and read Ryan's birth date, I knew that God had ordained and affirmed our meeting one another. Ryan was born one day after my 18th birthday. Literally, the day of my birth and the day of his birth were in God's perfect timing to become mother and son. 

For it was You who created my inward parts; You knit me together in my mother’s womb. I will praise You because I have been remarkably and wonderfully made. Your works are wonderful, and I know this very well. Psalm 139:13-14(HCSB)

My sons are ex orphans in every sense of the word. They were literally orphaned for a period of time lacking the relationship with birth mother and birth father. They were spiritual orphans prior to accepting Christ into their hearts, which is a decision they have all personally made. When I think of ex orphans, both literally and spiritually, my sons are the first people to cross my mind. They are my daily example and reminder of God's far reaching hand, one bent on redemption.

Proclaiming Him to the Fatherless in hopes of creating EX ORPHANS!

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Watching the Tide for Clues

The tide is the rise and fall of sea levels. Stick around the beach long enough and you will see that the tide comes in at one point in the day and goes out during another. Ocean waters faithfully repeat this display on a daily basis. Recently, God used the motion of the tide to give me a visual lesson.

"Vision" is defined as the manner in which one sees or conceives of something. Practically though, it's about dreams, goals and ideas. There are times when we begin to realize that God is placing a new vision inside of us, complete with new burdens, fresh insight and additional understanding. As with everything, the Lord's will in heaven becoming reality on earth is a process. That process will purify and refine the vision in accordance with the Lord's will. Of course, this doesn't have nearly as much to do with the vision itself as it has to do with the vision seer.

The vision had already been cast. I accepted my assignment and I recognized God's direction. My heart was ready, my mind was alert, the vision had been poured out and it was already taking shape. I found myself puzzled with some details and nuances, but the vision was right in front of me, perfectly positioned to burst with His energy and timing. Wait. What's happening? Are You seeing this? Where is it going? Are you allowing this? Why now? What if? When? Where are you? How does this glorify you? That hurt. Help me.

Like the outbound tide, the water isn't receding backwards forever. Like the outbound tide, neither is the vision. He will allow separation between us and the vision. He will allow it to become faint and feel distant. For a moment, it can even feel like it is completely gone, as though someone, something or some force of nature has stolen it away from us. I'm not sure there is much that hurts worse than releasing our grip from a tightly held, much beloved dream; especially if we never thought we would have too. God allowed me to feel distant from the dream. I saw and felt and watched it leaving my hands. It was literally leaving me, like the outbound tide and I was powerless to stop it. There's a reason why "help me" was the final statement in the series of questions above. When you find yourself powerless, hurting and wounded, there is only one thing left to say, "Lord, help me."

Then you shall see and be radiant, and your heart shall thrill and tremble with joy [at the glorious deliverance] and be enlarged; because the abundant wealth of the sea shall be turned to you, unto you shall the nations come with their treasures. (Isaiah 60:5)

"Because the abundance of the sea will be TURNED to you." This was the day when I realized the vision hadn't left, neither had the vision giver. Just like the tide, God would allow the distance and, in the waiting for it's return, He went about refining and purifying. His promise was that the vision was returning, but it wouldn't be the exact same when it rolled onto the shore this time. There would be some things that would be deliberately different. 

This tide analogy also mirrors our separation from God. You know you are missing something but are powerless to understand what it is or how to get it. He knows what's missing and He TURNS to you. If you are an Ex Orphan, then you KNOW and need to TURN to them. After all, it really is all about creating Ex Orphans.

As for Me, this is My covenant with them, says the LORD: “My Spirit who is on you, and My words that I have put in your mouth, will not depart from your mouth, or from the mouth of your children, or from the mouth of your children’s children, from now on and forever,” says the LORD. (Isaiah 59:21)

His promise is that He will NOT depart from us, that His spirit will always be at work within us. No one can take that away. No outbound tide affects this promise. Whether you are sitting on the beach with miles of barren shore or looking down to see the water covering your feet again, you can have confidence in His promise, His love and His assurance to always TURN to you.

Proclaiming Him to the Fatherless in hopes of creating EX Orphans!

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